When I got divorced I decided to wholeheartedly embrace the idea that life was all about perspective. I 100% believe it changed my life. 8 years ago, I was in a very dark place. I decided I could sit around, be bitter and fight my ex for pointless shit in a nasty divorce (no thank you) or I could get better. I could take a look in the mirror and make some changes to better myself, my life. I could sit and reflect and find some lessons, and better yet some gratitude in my broken road. So that’s what I did. Found the silver lining. I don’t regret marrying my ex-husband. I don’t regret our failed marriage or the poor choices I made that led up to that marriage. Here’s why…
It Broke Me, but Man Did it Bless Me
I had just gotten out of a year-long relationship that broke my heart. Cue the alcohol and poor choices… I jumped into this thing with this dude I barely knew. That always works out spectacularly, said no one, ever. I ended up pregnant and eventually married. Would I advise my daughter to make these choices? No freaking way. Were they bad and less than becoming choices? Absolutely. But here’s the thing…
I’m really grateful for those shitty choices. While they may have brought me some hard and unhappy times, they also gave me some of the greatest gifts of my life.
My unplanned pregnancy with my firstborn inadvertently saved me. It changed the course of my entire life. When I was 12 weeks I found out he had a birth defect called gastroschisis. After that, it seemed like there was a new complication every time I went to the doctor. I was angry with God. I figured he was punishing me for behaving like such a fool. Then Lucas was born and everything changed. That shit HUMBLED me, renewed my faith, brought me to my knees. I am grateful for every choice I made, poor or not. Because those choices gave me my miracle, my son.
We married when he was 8 months old. I knew it was a mistake, but I felt like I owed it to my son, so I remained a shell of myself, like a miserable Stepford wife for 3 LONG years. I completely lost myself, but I’m glad. Had I not taken this path and made these choices I wouldn’ have Lucas and Merideth. They are two of my greatest accomplishments. They are what ultimately gave me the strength to leave and make things better for all of us. They are how I found my way back to me.
I’m grateful that my ex-husband was not a very good husband to me because now I know what a good man really looks like. It taught me a lot about what I wanted and what I didn’t. He taught me everything about how dangerous it can be when you start allowing someone to treat you in a way that is not ok. My divorce helped me realize my worth.
Divorce is hard, and it sucks. It was rough on my kids at first who were just 4 and 18months at the time. There is a silver lining though…All of our lives are happier, healthier and more full of love than I ever imagined they could be.
What almost broke me turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me
God bless me and my shitty decisions because without that failed marriage I wouldn’t have crossed paths with Patrick, who in every way, is the perfect man for me. No man, no person in my life has loved me as fiercely as this man. His loyalty is unmatched; there isn’t a single thing he wouldn’t do for me. I am grateful for my failed marriage, and for his because without them I would not be able to walk through this life with this guy as my forever partner. I am thankful for his ex-wife because without her he would not be the husband he is to me. Without my ex-husband, I wouldn’t be the wife I am now.
Without my mistakes, 4 of my children would cease to exist. I would have never got to be a stepmom to Lilly and Logan or a mom to Mason and Marleigh. I am so thankful I screwed up so badly the first time so I could learn the lessons, rise from the ashes like a fucking phoenix and live the happiest days of my life.
Today I am grateful for my “mistakes” and for my failed marriage. Every mistake I’ve made has helped shape me into the woman, the wife, the mother I am today. God bless the broken road.